Stay calm when the disaster strikes
My mom called me that her husband (the Stepdadom) will go. This was heard by the physician in the emergency room. (He did a few days later.) He was embarrassed as you could imagine and support. As I heard this news, I lost my peace of mind. It was painful to hear what was confused, what would I do about it? How can I fix it?
In Proactive Communication we learn that recording does not help, it is at the center of fixation to dilute the pain. I had a lot of pain and confusion when I saw my mother in pain, so I wanted suggestions, sympathy and education. What my mom really wanted to understand is how difficult this time is for him, because of an empathic relationship. I figured I was going to an old communication mode and stopped. I went to try to get him to offer himself empathy.
Have you surprised? Do not forget about the oxygen mask technique on the airplane, take care of yourself and give oxygen first and help others. The same situation in my situation, but instead of making dysfunctional decisions, it had to be calm, functional and balanced. I gave myself first-aid empathy and was able to offer the understanding and serenity my mother needed. I could not do this in a dysfunctional state.
So before you start helping others or making decisions, be calm and balanced. Decisions and suggestions will be easier and more effective. First Aid Empathy Steps. It can be useful to write this.
1: Express all your judgments, everything from the situation. It's time to be honest and let everything you think negative. Do not worry, we'll be out for a moment. This can be a paragraph or pages.
2: When you write, if some emotion emerges, write them down. Feelings can be sadness, sorrow, lonely, exhausted, etc.
3: Enter the values or requirements that are not met. This step is the healing step as it identifies the values, The emotional pain disappears. This helps to be more relaxed, so it can be supported. We call it nice sorrow. You will be sorry at this point. It's a good sign for sigh when it releases the pain. This is also the beginning of your mourning period.
Our values are important to identify them, because they are life energy, our soul. During the mourning we want to identify these values as we understand why their energy level is low. When someone goes by, the values they meet will also leave. We have to saddle these needs or values. Some of these values are love, security, understanding, integrity. As you practice this practice, you will feel that energy comes back, identifying all of this. Mourning is a value that everyone has, and this step needs to be investigated. It may take a few days or a few years. But when you have depressed feelings, identify the needs that are not met.
Certainly we celebrate this omission as we list the values we met. We are trying to be grateful and feel sad sadness, not depressed sadness. For example, my general who was in a concentration camp and who loved me as my own son saw a lot of need for me as I grew up. He met with integrity, strength, love for my mother and I, trust, stability, many needs. As I list these needs, I felt sweet sadness again and now more energy.
This is a powerful technique to regain the energy needed to help others through their sorrow. You can ask the mourn that you need this person met with them, or even try to figure it out for them. Look at their energy as this person honors.